Holy Cow!

It's amazing that I even remembered I had a blog from some 3 years ago. I've decided to start back at it again. I actually do miss being able to kind of log things about my life and where I'm going and what adventures I'm having or off to next. So I revamped it up named it something a different than Behind Blue Eyes which is now a bit dated for my life as I've changed over the past few years and learned a ton from the experiences I've had, friends I've met along the way, and trips I've taken. 

Welp here I go on my blogging adventure! :) Wish me luck! 

-Christina ↟.  

How lovely.

“Can you understand? Can I make you understand somehow? You have begun to mean the world; you have begun to mean poetry and heartbeats and inexplicable mood reactions and songs and scents and conflicting words which do not match yet somehow match. You are not only a series of question marks and abstract references: You are meaning itself. You are a bright inner composure of numerous elements. Now can you possibly understand - I am merely words. I used to believe I was merely words and I do not know whether I shall start hoping for something more. You planted that sense of hope in a secret deeply hidden place; it had walls made of bricks and huge abandoned gardens full of despair. It was covered in dusty waves and it was kept underground where no soul would ever walk. And you walked there - you planted hope. And now I cannot imagine myself without it.”
Kaherine Mansfield, Selected Letters

And sometimes I find myself with high hopes, only to be let down.

it makes my heart hurt.

I'll survive... I suppose.

Explore. Travel. Get Lost.

"Did you know, you can quit your job, you can leave university? You aren’t legally required to have a degree, it’s a social pressure and expectation, not the law, and no one is holding a gun to your head. You can sell your house, you can give up your apartment, you can even sell your vehicle, and your things that are mostly unnecessary. You can see the world on a minimum wage salary, despite the persisting myth, you do not need a high paying job. You can leave your friends (if they’re true friends they’ll forgive you, and you’ll still be friends) and make new ones on the road. You can leave your family. You can depart from your hometown, your country, your culture, and everything you know. You can sacrifice. You can give up your $5.00 a cup morning coffee, you can give up air conditioning, frequent consumption of new products. You can give up eating out at restaurants and prepare affordable meals at home, and eat the leftovers too, instead of throwing them away. You can give up cable TV, Internet even. This list is endless. You can sacrifice climbing up in the hierarchy of careers. You can buck tradition and others’ expectations of you. You can triumph over your fears, by conquering your mind. You can take risks. And most of all, you can travel. You just don’t want it enough. You want a degree or a well-paying job or to stay in your comfort zone more. This is fine, if it’s what your heart desires most, but please don’t envy me and tell me you can’t travel. You’re not in a famine, in a desert, in a third world country, with five malnourished children to feed. You probably live in a first world country. You have a roof over your head, and food on your plate. You probably own luxuries like a cellphone and a computer. You can afford the $3.00 a night guest houses of India, the $0.10 fresh baked breakfasts of Morocco, because if you can afford to live in a first world country, you can certainly afford to travel in third world countries, you can probably even afford to travel in a first world country. So please say to me, “I want to travel, but other things are more important to me and I’m putting them first”, not, “I’m dying to travel, but I can’t”, because I have yet to have someone say they can’t, who truly can’t. You can, however, only live once, and for me, the enrichment of the soul that comes from seeing the world is worth more than a degree that could bring me in a bigger paycheck, or material wealth, or pleasing society. Of course, you must choose for yourself, follow your heart’s truest desires, but know that you can travel, you’re only making excuses for why you can’t. And if it makes any difference, I have never met anyone who has quit their job, left school, given up their life at home, to see the world, and regretted it. None. Only people who have grown old and regretted never traveling, who have regretted focusing too much on money and superficial success, who have realized too late that there is so much more to living than this."

Wunderkammer: Did You Know

Photo by: Jeff Shanes, Oregon Coast

The Future:

Lately I feel like I've been thinking alot about the future... I have so many dreams and aspirations in life and believe personally I've accomplished alot for someone such as myself. I've tried so hard, gave it my all, and don't plan in any way to give up. Because I have so much time ahead of me. I mean I'm only 22...

I really look forward to moving to Portland with my very good friend Tess. To go to school finally at a university rather than a community college will be a awesome step in my life. And to finally move out of my parents house will solidify finally being independent for me. I look forward to this day that's just around the corner so much.

I'm going to miss my family, Eugene, friends, and the many places the city and country here has to offer me. But to a bigger city with so much opportunity for me will be an amazing thing for me to finally conquer. I have so many plans for myself while I'm in Portland. Finally obtaining my Bachelors Degree is on the top of the list, as well as networking with the many amazing photographers and models that reside in Portland, and even possibly changing or adding an agency if its possible.

We shall see.

Oh the places I shall go, and the things that I shall do.

I cannot wait, I'm beyond excited for this adventure and new chapter to start.

A Little Trip.

I went on a lovely little trip to the coast recently and had so much fun! I stayed the night with the lovely photographer and friend Haley Graham! We woke up bright and early and went to pick up a fellow model Megan Markus! Us girlies traveled to the Cannon Beach area and it was such a fun trip talking about modeling, photography, life, and current events. :) I can't wait to be in Portland soon so I can meet up with either of them from time to time! Soon soon soon I shall embark on a new adventure. And I just can't wait.

Here's some photos from our adventure:

love.love.love.

I love winter & snowboarding.

Snow.

I always loved going to the snow when I was younger. And of course I still do. It's beautiful driving up and down and watching how the scenery changes as you get into central oregon.

My family and I would take weekend trips to bend all the time when I was younger. I miss it so much. And I came to realize driving up and back with friends was of course different and the drive itself was a long one. To this day I still can't understand how in the world my dad would get off work after a long day of driving (he use to delivered freight) and then drive us all up to bend in the crazy snowy weather. He's such an amazing man. I love him so much and am so greatful for all he has done for me and my mom too. The amount of things he's accomplished back then and now too considering the state he's in.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time. But then I realize everything happens for a reason, and the paths we journey on have some sort of adventure, and some sort of way of working out for the best and never for the worst.

If you could only see how blue her eyes can be,

when she says,

when she says she loves me.

Well...

Summer is over, fall is here and shortly it will be gone. Onto winter unfortunately. Its crazy how time flys by. But as time flys by I find that things are changing, I'm changing. Soon enough the new year will be here, and with a new year comes new things, experiences, friends, adventures.

 

And I cannot wait, I cannot wait to embark on a new adventure.

 

Finally awarding myself with my associates degree, I find myself finally deciding what I really want to do. I've always wanted to move to Portland, and this year was suppose to be the year. I was so upset when I found that it just wasn't possible considering how expensive it is living there and not having a roommate.

 

But talking with one of my best friends we decided we would move together and I will be earning my bachelor's degree at Portland State and she'll go to school for her masters. I'm so excited to finish up this school year and finally move somewhere new and start an adventure of my own.

 

Wish me luck! :)

California!

Well I must say that California was a success, I had so much fun with Tess. I love her to death, she is definitely one of the best friends I've ever had. Her family was so nice, and I was also so happy to see my friend Oktober another model that recently moved from Eug to Cali. We hungout and shot with some awesome photographers down there. That's the one thing I wish Oregon was like, I wish networking was better, and people would hire models under 5'8"... but don't get me started. haha. :)

Anyways! Here are some photos from our adventure:

California Dreaming?

Lately I have been, it seems a lot of people have been venturing to California. A close friend of mine left a couple days ago. Which made me think of how bad I've been wanting to get out of Eugene and start traveling around and adventuring. Its unfortunate when you have factors holding you back, but short trips are always fun.

Next week my friend Tess is taking a short vacation to Cali, I think I may go with her. I really want to go, but I also don't want to miss my dads walk to defeat ALS. Which is super super important to me. So I haven't quite decided yet, plus I need to get the days off.

BUT! it would be so much fun, I haven't been to California in a while. Spend some time at the beach, in the sunshine, shopping, and having fun. Eeek. That'd be lovely. :)

Long time no write.

I suppose that happens from time to time. People do get busy. But hey, lately I've felt like writing a whole lot.

I did go to Maui, and I had such a lovely time visiting family and watching my beautiful cousin Raseta get married.

Since then I've been enjoying my summer. Like every other person. :)

Airplane.

Soon I'll be on an airplane. To one of my favorite destinations. MAUI. I cannot wait!

I almost get the feeling I'm an Island girl at heart...

hah, just kidding. ;o)

Things Change.

Things change all the time... this is kind of a  late night ramblings post... but non the less...
I've had so many opportunities lately, great ones. I've taken advantage of them too. I've gotten another job, that I like so far... it's growing on me. But I still love my family at Macy's. I'm not moving. I'm staying in Eugene. It's just time to be practical. And I think baby steps are in order...

Therefore,

I can always move into town here in the Eug, I'm thinking about it heavily. It'd  be good to have my own place and live on my own for a bit. Go to school at the U of O then possibly transfer to Portland after I've got my feet on the ground. But for now, I have to be practical and save money to do all the things I'd like to do.

This just makes more sense... I'm sad I don't get to start anew in a new city, with new people, and have a crazzzy life changing experience. But that time will come soon enough... Later down the line.

But for now, I'm content.

It's so weird how distance can change things.

Head in the clouds...

I get so unbelievably frustrated with people.
I don't understand people. I just don't.
and basically what I don't get is how they can be so
mean and rude. Like it's some disease to them that just
fills them up, never letting it escape them.

I feel sorry for them in a way. But why should I.
I don't deserve their rudeness, their insincerity.
I should just move on. But it's so hard, it eats away
at me from time to time. Bringing old things up that hurt.
That should just go away and never come back.
Things that shouldn't be said or done.

The phrase were all human comes to mind.
But sometimes being human isn't an excuse.
You have no right of passage to be unjust in a way that
makes others feel as badly as I feel.

I'll be leaving soon, and I'll be happy to have left you.

"Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, I feel continually shhh’ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah. Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things. Whether it’s a song, a stranger, a mountain, a rain drop, a tea kettle, an article, a sentence, a footstep, feel it all – look around you. All of this is for you. Take it and have gratitude. Give it and feel love."

-Zooey Deschanel

Always adjust those sails.